Quote #12

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
  2. I joined Gambler`s Anonymous. They gave me two to one I don`t make it.
  3. I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people.
  4. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
  5. I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.
  6. I said to the bartender 'Surprise me.' He pulled out a naked picture of my wife.
  7. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  8. I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

All Jacob Cohen quotes