'You could be a hit man for the Scorpions; your job is to kill people and make me macaroni and cheese.'

'I used to annoy my brother when we were kids by pretending I had echolalia, which is a disease that causes people to repeat everything other people say. Smith…

'Je suis un pamplemousse. DONNEZ-MOI TOUS VOS CROISSANTS! (I am a grapefruit. GIVE ME ALL YOUR CROISSANTS!)'

'It's never too late to start playing an instrument. I just bought a harmonica, maybe we could start a really horrible band. We'll play guitar/harmonica scream…

If the moon were made of barbeque spare ribs, would you eat it? ...I know I would. Heck, I'd have seconds. And then polish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser.

I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus, and I pissed myself laughing.

All the plants in my house are dead---I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.