A guy told me he liked cherries...but... I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato...before i realized he likes cherries just...alright, that joke is ridiculous. That's like a carbon copy of the previous joke but with different ingredients. I don't know what i was trying to pull off there.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said 'no, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah'.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit int…

I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

And you realize you're an alcoholic when you repeat yourself. You realize you're an alcoholic when you repeat yourself. You realize you're an alcoholic...oh, d…

I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.'

Many of my friends are under the impression that I write these humorous nothings in idle moments when the wearied brain is unable to perform the serious labour…