Not only can I touch your car, but I can take a lathe, an acetylene torch, a pair of pliers, and a ball tine hammer and have that in about 150 different pieces in fifteen minutes; that's how gooooood I am.

Hey, I'm going to ask that girl to marry me, get her over to my apartment in Tarzana, do the do and the funky chicken too, and then tomorrow morning we're off …

(performing his dancing moves) Now, you move very delicately, do a little bit of a flutter kick, now, what that is I lift up my right leg and kind of flutter i…

Why am I sitting here about to get eight million volts through my body? Why am I that black guy on The Green Mile with no water in the sponge?

I regard the writing of humor as a supreme artistic challenge.

Now she's on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight. But she can climb a tree!

At the end of about a week, I called back and said, 'I need something to compare this to. Could I please have a microsecond?'