I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, 'I think I might have writte…

I worked as a parking attendant at Logan Airport, I parked jets. They had to let me go though because I kept locking the keys in them. One day I was on an 86 f…

N.B. This is rote sarcastikul.

[He gave us the atom bomb]; what more do you want, mermaids?

It's a good thing you're gonna get that truck. The bad thing is you're gonna be smiling all day on TV and I don't think that that's pretty.