Quote #6

A while ago, I left my apartment building and walked my dog... on the ledge. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

More from Steven Wright

  1. A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were h…
  2. About a year ago, my girlfriend was on the pill, wearing a diaphragm, and an IUD all at once. Recently, she had a baby; baby was born weari…
  3. A fool and his money are soon partying.
  4. After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
  5. A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. Wh…
  6. All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried …
  7. 'So, do you live around here often?'
  8. All the plants in my house are dead---I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

All Steven Wright quotes