Where I grew up... in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide... you know, everyone was too unhappy.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep. Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's …

It isn't surprising that many children consider their parents to be a little dim, and that they sometimes try to update them. The fact that they don't usually …

My family was musical on both sides. My father's family had a famous flautist and a classical pianist. My mother won a contest to be Shirley Temple's double --…

This is to explain just how your mom turned out to be the kind of hairpin she is.