Quote #19

The happy married man dies in good stile at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don't die at all - he sort of rots away, like a pollywog's tail.

Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

More from Artemus Ward

  1. My wife is one of the best wimin on this Continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb with mint sauce.
  2. They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them.
  3. I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
  4. Why don't you show us a statesman who can rise up to the emergency, and cave in the emergency's head?
  5. The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste.
  6. It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble, it's the things we do know that just ain't so.
  7. N.B. This is rote sarcastikul.
  8. The fack can't be no longer disgised that a Krysis is onto us.

All Artemus Ward quotes