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Quote #63

Epitaph on his tombstone:

— Jacob Cohen

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. One day I was driving home and saw a guy jogging naked. I asked why, he said, ''Cause you came home early!'
  2. (Describing his son-in-law's family) The family's so ugly, in the photo album, they keep the negatives!
  3. I'll never forget the time I tried Cocaine. Horrible experience. Of course, I was on Acid at the time... (Monologue from his Saturday Night…
  4. Every time I get into an elevator, the operator says the same thing: 'Basement?'
  5. You kiddin'? I know I'm ugly...last year at Halloween when I opened the door, kids gave me candy. Some little kid tried to pull my face off…
  6. Don't worry honey, I didn't see a thing...you're perfect!
  7. I love three girls at once...if I fall asleep, they got each other to talk to.
  8. I don't play hard to get... I play hard to want!

All Jacob Cohen quotes

← Jacob Astley All J authors Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis →

Related quotes

  • I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type. Bob Hope
  • Excuse my dust. Dorothy Parker
  • Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!' Emo Philips
  • I heard say that the executioner was very good, he'd have to be, for I have a little neck! Anne Boleyn
  • Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. W. C. Fields
  • He had been, he said, an unconscionable time dying; but he hoped that they would excuse i… King of England Charles II

Topics in this quote

  • humor
  • self deprecation
  • death
  • tombstone

Related authors

  • Orson Scott Card
  • Phil Hendrie
  • Steven Wright
  • Oscar Wilde
  • P. G. Wodehouse
  • Groucho Marx

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