Quote #17

I'm just like Dr. Phil, except I have hair, and I don't help anybody.

More from Rita Rudner

  1. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
  2. In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
  3. I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
  4. Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
  5. I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
  6. Money is the root of all jewelry.
  7. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
  8. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

All Rita Rudner quotes