Winston Churchill, the greatest orator of all time, was so fucked up on champagne and cognac, that he may not have done some of his own speeches. They were done by a man from the BBC who did Winnie the Pooh. 'We will fight them on the beaches, in the air, on the land, Eeyore and Tigger!'

It was so reassuring the other day, George W. Bush talked to the stock market, and then...*makes explosion noise*. I don't know, it must be that Dubya talking …

And at the closing ceremonies, they introduced Donny and Marie as the first couple of Utah. And I'm like 'uh-uh, honey, no. They're only a couple in Arkansas!'

Then there's the luge, for which I have only one question: What drunken, German gynecologist invented that sport? What guy said, 'You know what? I want to dres…

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

But when it came to eloquence, George [H. W.] Bush was Winston Churchill compared with his vice president, the legendary J. Danforth Quayle. You never knew wha…

'What they were up to in those days were kept for the future. I'm not sure I know how legal it was...but anyway...ha ha ha.' (March 15, 2005 - Visiting the Tip…