There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit.

The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: 'Willie is no good; I'll sell him.'

We think of the noble object for which the professor appears to-night, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything.

Although there exist many thousand subjects for elegant conversation, there are persons who cannot meet a cripple without talking about feet.

When you fall into a man's conversation, the first thing you should consider is, whether he has a greater inclination to hear you, or that you should hear him.

And talking...I'm not good with talking.