Steve Martin Quotes on Humor
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All of a sudden I had to remember some words that Marlowe had told me over fifteen years ago: 'Dead men don't wear plaid.' Hmm... Dead men don't wear plaid. I still don't know what it means.
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You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.
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Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town.
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It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.
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I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
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I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk. Never at dusk.
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I don't think I'd believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my Lucky Astrology Mood Watch.
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You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, 'Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?' There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny.
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(Martin): Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer.
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People come up to me and say 'Steve, what is film editing?' And I say 'How should I know? You're the director.'
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Comedy is not pretty.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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Well, excuuuuuse me!!!!
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What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.