I've been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight. The people that live above me are furious.

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas. I just think about it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it...

In my new house there's a switch on the wall that doesn't do anything, so for fun I'd just flick it up and down, over and over. Then one day I got a letter fro…

Wot cher! all the neighbours cried, Who yer gonna meet, Bill, Have yer bought the street, Bill? Laugh! I thought I should've died, Knocked 'em in the Old Kent …

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department …

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.