Quote #37

I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, 'Hello, Information.' I said, 'I can't find my socks.' She said, 'They're behind the couch.' And they were!

More from Steven Wright

  1. I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther…
  2. I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
  3. I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
  4. I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
  5. I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one-it wasn't doing what I was doing.
  6. I had to stop driving my car for a while. The tires got dizzy.
  7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  8. I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

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