Quote #40

It was a woman drove me to drink....you know I never did thank her.

More from W. C. Fields

  1. It ain't a fit night out for man or beast. (From one of his 'short' films, followed by opening the door and having snow flung in his face.)
  2. From It's a Gift, chiding a man who is trying to swindle him out of valuable property: 'You're crazy. And I'm drunk. But I'll be sober tomo…
  3. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
  4. Last week I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
  5. I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forwar…
  6. Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
  7. I was married once- in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certi…
  8. Man: 'I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.' WC: 'A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.'

All W. C. Fields quotes