My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

I was gonna get a BMW and rang my dad who knows a bit about cars. He said, 'You can't get a German car after what your granddad went through in the war.' Now I…

When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!

I would be happy to have a gay child. He would be a Boy Scout, and he would teach all the other Boy Scouts how to build a fire with two sticks and a back-hande…