When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

You mean like Democrats?

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

I am available for children's parties, by the way : I'm Beelzebozo, The Clown from hell. [singing] It's Beelzebozo time :

I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also.

Mr. Smith Goes To Hollywood : Jay is a creature of the Id, who has no filter as to what to say; he just says what's on his mind. So what's funny about the char…