'Death Before Dishonour' I always used to wonder 'Hey, exactly how much dishonour are we talking about here?' 'Cause I could handle quite a lot. I would, for instance, fellate a Smurf before I picked death. I'd cook him a little Smurf omelette as I was doing it, you know, I'd be perfectly happy doing that. Seasoning it with thyme, you know, listening to his happy satisfied Smurf lip smacks. But every man thinks about Smurfs. They don't say it, but they do. That's why I'm here, to be honest. Just once, you know, what would it be like? Nobody needs to know, you go away for the weekend. Just once, to have the blue salty bulb lolling on your tongue ... if I don't say it, nobody else will.'

'Well, you know what they say about John, anyway?' 'Well, no I don't. Wh- what do they say?' 'Well, you know, apparently he's, uh, he's, you know, he's [cocks …

And they say that after people make love there's a kind of melancholia that descends; la petite mort, you know, the little death. Well, I'm here to tell you, a…

Chocolate bread! That's how they start the day. It's only going to escalate from there. By lunchtime you're fucking everybody you know. I was in Paris recently…

There's not a man in America who at one time or another hasn't had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

So, thanks for coming out, I guess. Yeah, it's good to see people, you know. The newsman is so horrifying you get the impression you're just going to walk out …

Woman: Do come along quick, there's a house on fire. Fire Chief: A house on fire? Just a moment, lady - what's the address? Woman: Grimshaw Street. Fire Chief:…