I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

It's nothing short of a miracle that for years women have worked together side by side in the kitchens of America. I would have been willing to bet in an atmos…

In two decades I've lost 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.

Are you kiddin'? I know I'm ugly. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.

I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people.

And everyone is worried about players playing baseball, you know, on steroids, and I'm like 'Really? Well here's a quick way you can tell.' Two things happen w…