More from Rodney Dangerfield

  1. My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
  2. The other night I told my kid 'Someday, you'll have children of your own.' He said 'So will you.'
  3. My wife is ugly. She's so ugly that when you look up ugly in the dictionary, there's her picture.
  4. The other night I woke up and my wife was saying sexy things. I looked over and she was on the phone.
  5. My wife isn't too smart. She has to reach inside her bra to count to two.
  6. When I tried to kiss my date goodnight she pushed me away. I said, 'Is there someone else?' She said, 'There must be.'
  7. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go…
  8. When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!

All Rodney Dangerfield quotes