Will Ferrell Quotes on Humor

53 quotes

1. Strategery.

3. What's your favorite planet? ... Mine's the sun! Its like the king of planets!

4. If the moon were made of barbeque spare ribs, would you eat it? ...I know I would. Heck, I'd have seconds. And then polish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser.

10. I love scotch, scotchy scotch scotch, here it goes down, down into my belly.

11. Man that Kendall Beye is so awesome, he is better looking then elephants rear-end!

12. You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.

14. You are a smelly pirate hooker.

15. Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?

16. I thought you were kidding. I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. 'Veronica had a very funny joke today.' I laughed at it later that night.

19. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing.

23. I'm gonna punch you in the ovary.

25. Knights of Columbus that hurt!

31. ' I look good I look really good. Hey everyone come and see how good I look'

32. Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.

33. [to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.

34. [clears throat] Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

35. Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

38. It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.

39. [riding unicorns through cartoon Pleasure Town] Look, the most glorious rainbow ever.

40. [thinking he is on fire] Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Aah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off of me!

41. Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

42. I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then fuck you.

43. Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is just around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one [pulls out knife] than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!

44. I've sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm puttin' a lotta eggs in that basket, the MTV basket. I also thought about getting a gun and becomin' a crack dealer. I wouldn't be, like, a mean crack dealer...I'd be a nice one. I'd just be like 'Hey, guys, what's up? You want some crack?'.

45. Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...

46. Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon' get bumpy!

47. Now, due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates that I mention POWERade at each grace, I'd just like to say that POWERade is delicious, it cools you off on a hot summer day, and we're all looking forward to POWERade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.

49. The room is startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of gayness.

50. [Looking under the hood of his race car] Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!

52. [to his father-in-law] The only thing you ever did with your life is make a hot daughter! That's it!

53. [to Girard] I've got you, Pepe Le Bitch!

54. [getting ready to bump Girard in a race] Hey, it's me, America! [Choom] Macchiato

59. [Driving backward, flipping off the driver of the car next to him] It's real nice, I got it at Target, it's on sale.

60. To quote the late great Colonel Sanders: 'I am too drunk to taste this chicken.'

67. A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives or events that were painful, and I really have wracked my brain to figure it out. I pretty much have had a normal childhood. Maybe it was too normal.

68. All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.

69. How classy is it for me to wear these pink tennis shoes with my tux?

70. I'm not really an exhibitionist. I'm drawn to the outrageous stuff because it's fun, not because it's some deep compulsion. I'm not tortured, anger-stoked, deeply neurotic comic -- just a pretty low-key normal guy. A 'hey, the glass is half-full' kind of a guy. But please keep it quiet, or I may never work again.

71. I have only been funny about seventy four percent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four percent of the time.

74. Whom does the prime minister prefer? Funky Wunkey, Shipsy, Ho, or Waa-Waa?

75. I'm actually pretty athletic. I have to work out just to look fat. [1]

78. (Trying to talk over party noise). Actually we've got a nice little Saturday planned. We're going to Home Depot to pick out some wallpaper, then maybe we'll hit Bed Bath and Beyond... I don't know! I don't know if we'll have enough time!

80. Hey Snoop! Snoop-A-Loop!

82. (Sitting naked in the car). Hey honey! Do you think KFC's still open?

84. Cock, Balls

90. Well...you know...keep on truckin.

92. I like you, but you're crazy.

93. (answers the phone) Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?

97. We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.

100. Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...

104. Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!

109. I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

110. (Reading a note he left on the etch-a-sketch) 'I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.'

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