On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.

Excuse my dust.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

I heard say that the executioner was very good, he'd have to be, for I have a little neck!