Spike Milligan Quotes on Humor
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Are you going to come along quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs?
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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The only nice thing I can wish him is an early death
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The boy stood on the burning deck, whence all but he had fled. Twit.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
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I hope you go before me because I don't want you singing at my funeral.
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I suppose a Knighthood is out of the question then?
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Said Prince Charles when they placed the crown on his head: I suppose this means that Mummy's dead.
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We're Rat-Rat-Rat-Rat-Rat-Rat-Ratties!
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The small of my back is too big
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My ribs give me claustrophobia
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I dont like jam, I dont want it to know where I am