Quote #42

Last week I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

More from W. C. Fields

  1. From It's a Gift, chiding a man who is trying to swindle him out of valuable property: 'You're crazy. And I'm drunk. But I'll be sober tomo…
  2. Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
  3. It was a woman drove me to drink....you know I never did thank her.
  4. Man: 'I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.' WC: 'A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.'
  5. It ain't a fit night out for man or beast. (From one of his 'short' films, followed by opening the door and having snow flung in his face.)
  6. More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
  7. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
  8. My father...one of the great immorals, er, immortals, of our time.

All W. C. Fields quotes