3 Bill Hicks Quotes on Absurdity

Bill Hicks quotes on absurdity

3. I got to see, while I was over there [England] footage of the Rodney King trial, which I had never seen while I was here. I saw footage over there of the Rodney King trial. I think I figured out why the L.A. riots occurred. Did you guys see these cops testifying, man? Did these guys have balls or what, man? These guys carry their balls in a wheelbarrow, man. ''Scuse me, 'scuse me. Man with big balls is here to testify.' 'Place your right testicle on the bible.' Whishh BOOOM. This guy, Officer Coon : is life too fucking weird or what? Officer Coon looks in the camera and actually says: 'Oh, that Rodney King beating tape, it's all in how you look at it.' The courtroom murmurs: 'Jesus, what balls. I've never seen balls of this magnitude. He must have a specially fitted uniform in which to place these large testicles.' 'That's incredible. All in how you look at it, Officer Coon?' 'That's right. It's how you look at the tape.' 'Well would you care to tell the court how you're looking at that?' 'Yeah, okay, sure. It's how you look at it. For instance, well, if you play it backwards, you see us help King up and send him on his way.' 'Mmm . . . not guilty.' ''Scuse me, 'scuse me. Man with big balls has just been acquitted.'

10. Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God! Based on what? I asked them. 'Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible, and we added them up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages - 12 thousand years.' Well, how fucking scientific! Okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good. You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? 'That's right.' Okay, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready? 'Uh-uh.' Dinosaurs. You know, the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, and they existed in that time : you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point. 'And lo, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus : with a splinter in his paw. And O, the disciples did run a-shrieking: 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O, so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills. And O, Scotland did praise the Lord: 'Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.''

81. 'Today a young man on acid, thought he could fly, jumped off a building, what a tragedy.' What a dick! If he thought he could fly, why didn't he take off from the ground?