25 Infidelity Quotes

An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Last night I was making love to my wife and nothing was happening, so I said to her, What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?

The other night I woke up and my wife was saying sexy things. I looked over and she was on the phone.

You know the only thing you can do to stop your man from cheating? The only thing you can do : is be there. Where? There! Wherever he's thinking about fucking, that's it. Just be right there. And even then he still might lose your ass. He's like, 'Honey, look! A Sale! Let me go fuck this bitch right now!'

Shit, every woman in here got a girlfriend they don't trust around their man. A good girlfriend too, it's like, 'Yeah, I'll go shopping with her, but I ain't gonna leave that bitch alone with my man for five minutes, no.' I remember one time, I was at a restaurant with me, my wife, and her girlfriend. And my wife gets up and goes, 'Honey, I'm going to the bathroom.' And I'm like, 'All right, honey, I'll see you when you get back.' And she goes, 'No, you coming with me!' She made me come with her to the bathroom! And she did the right thing, 'cause I'd have fucked the girl; I'da fucked her. I'd have fucked her on a damn quesadilla, I didn't give a fuck.

Women my wife's age with broken marriages take up robustly with fellows much younger than themselves, sometimes boys, and their husbands don't like that part of it at all. (It's a means they have of really sticking it to us. The husbands can do without the money and kids. But they can't abide their wives' humping a younger dick and letting everyone know.)

One day I was driving home and saw a guy jogging naked. I asked why, he said, ''Cause you came home early!'

A woman who runs off with her lover does not abandon her husband; she rids him of an unfaithful wife.

A woman who runs off with her lover is not abandonning her husband: she is sparing him a disloyal wife.

I'm not the kind of woman that has affairs' That is such pure, high-minded sounding bullshit, my love, my darling, thou object of my erotic imaginations. You are precisely the kind of woman who has affairs - you are miserable with your unloving, disloyal, self-serving, manipulative son-of-a-bitch of a husband, and you are in love with a caring, sensitive... Guy

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.

How happy could I be with either, Were t'other dear charmer away!

Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.

Everybody knows that you love me baby/ Everybody knows that you really do/ Everybody knows that you've been faithful/ Ah give or take a night or two/ Everybody knows you've been discreet/ But there were so many people you just had to meet/ without your clothes/ And everybody knows