George Carlin Quotes on Money
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Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Some of you might be familiar with some of my more famous tips from the past. How to get rid of counterfeit money? Put it in the collection plate at church!
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Religion has actually convinced people : that there's an invisible man : living in the sky : who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do! And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry, forever and ever, 'til the end of time! : But he loves you! : He loves you. He loves you and he needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, all-wise, but somehow - just can't handle money!
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Names are an interest of mine. Not a hobby; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Don't you find it funny that all these tough-guy boxers are fighting over a purse?
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Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?