Henny Youngman Quotes on Humor
-
Take my wife-please!
-
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts eating.
-
My wife wanted her face lifted. They couldn't do that. But for $80, they lowered her body.
-
My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours, and that was only for the estimate.
-
Now she's on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight. But she can climb a tree!
-
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
-
I looked high and low for you. I didn't look low enough.
-
What got you out of the woodwork?
-
You're the kind of person I would like to have over when I have the measles.
-
Look, I'm not going to engage in a battle of wits with you. I never attack anyone who is unarmed.
-
I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine. I want to break off with them.
-
You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready.
-
To Dean Martin-Dean, if you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
-
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up-they have no holidays.
-
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-
He hit me among my face.
-
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman 'Can I park here?' 'No' says the cop. 'What about all these other cars?' 'They didn't ask!
-
I asked a Jewish man 'Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?' He said 'Yes', and walked away.
-
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
-
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.