20 Henny Youngman Quotes on Humor

Henny Youngman quotes on humor

1. Take my wife-please!

2. My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts eating.

3. My wife wanted her face lifted. They couldn't do that. But for $80, they lowered her body.

4. My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours, and that was only for the estimate.

6. Now she's on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight. But she can climb a tree!

7. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

11. I looked high and low for you. I didn't look low enough.

12. What got you out of the woodwork?

13. You're the kind of person I would like to have over when I have the measles.

15. Look, I'm not going to engage in a battle of wits with you. I never attack anyone who is unarmed.

16. I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine. I want to break off with them.

21. You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready.

22. To Dean Martin-Dean, if you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

24. I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up-they have no holidays.

25. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

26. He hit me among my face.

27. A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman 'Can I park here?' 'No' says the cop. 'What about all these other cars?' 'They didn't ask!

28. I asked a Jewish man 'Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?' He said 'Yes', and walked away.

29. A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

30. Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.