3 Eddie Izzard Quotes on Evolution

Eddie Izzard quotes on evolution

97. And there were two types of Human bipedy type things! There was Neanderthals, and Homo Sapiens. We were like cousins, like kissing cousins, except we didn't kiss. Neanderthals, of course, heavy eyebrow-ridge, were kind of: 'Uh... uohh... ohha' You know, with that look of 'I've got a headache...'. Very hardy, but not so bright upstairs. Whereas Homo Sapiens were slightly more: 'How're you getting on, Neanderthal? Everything... all going alright?' Neanderthal: 'Erm, not too good... yesterday... we went hunting... and... half our tribe... was killed... when they fell on themselves... and I... I've hurt my knee... and we've got no... butter.' Homo Sapien: 'Yes, well always good talking to you! Must go, got some swatches of moss for the new cave we're moving into. A local chap's doing some paintings of things, jumping things... Gazelles... or whatever. It's pretty good, should fetch a pretty penny in a couple of years. Where are you living these days?' Neanderthal: 'I am living in a pit of my own excrement.' Homo Sapien: 'Ah, good idea, keeps you warm, yeah?' Neanderthal: 'Uh, what?' Homo Sapien: 'Well your poo keeps you warm, is that right?' Neanderthal 'Uh thi th h...?' Homo Sapien: 'Your poo, from your body... body heat... is that the idea...?' Neanderthal: 'Um no, sort of that... the estate agent said bathroom en-suite.'

98. So Neanderthals, they died out. Two hundred thousand years - they developed for two hundred thousand years, and then went 'Ah, fuck it!'.

99. And thank god they died, 'cause if they had made it through, then humans - Homo Sapiens - wouldn't have made it, and everything would be different! Television would be... you know, Book of the Month club on television would be: Neanderthal presenter: 'And now we have the professer... uh... whaddayou think of this book?' Neanderthal professor: 'Wha...?' Presenter: 'What do you think of this book, in a critical way?' Professor: 'It's alright...' Presenter: 'There you have it, it's alright!'