Quotes
 For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.- If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
- Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
- Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
- Are you going to come along quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs?
- I told you I was ill!
- A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
- Education isn't everything; for a start it isn't an elephant.
- I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
- I can't see the sense in it [his honorary CBE] really. It makes me a Commander of the British Empire. They might as well make me a Commander of Milton Keynes - at least that exists.
- How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
- My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
- The only nice thing I can wish him is an early death
- World peace could be a possibility...if it weren't for all those damned foreigners!
- The boy stood on the burning deck, whence all but he had fled. Twit.
- I'm fucking Irish!
- Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
- When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It is of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.
- Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
- Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Money can't buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy.
- All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
- I hope you go before me because I don't want you singing at my funeral.
- Oh, the snivelling grovelling bastard.
- I suppose a Knighthood is out of the question then?
- I can't see the sense in it really. It makes me a Commander of the British Empire. They might as well make me a Commander of Milton Keynes - at least that exists.
- Said Prince Charles when they placed the crown on his head: I suppose this means that Mummy's dead.
- We're Rat-Rat-Rat-Rat-Rat-Rat-Ratties!
- There's no such thing as anything, and sometimes even less!
- The small of my back is too big
- My ribs give me claustrophobia
- I dont like jam, I dont want it to know where I am
spike milligan
|
