75 Shock Quotes

'Life has changed into a timeless succession of shocks, interspaced with empty, paralysed intervals. '

People that haven't seen us yet are shocked because they think that Alice Cooper must be a female folksinger. They don't expect the whole thing. And the whole thing is a direct product of television and movies and America, 'cause that's where America's based. That's where their heart is from the sex and violence of TV and the movies, and that was our influence.

Hi, my name is Kurt Cobain, I'm homosexual, I'm a pagan, I'm a drug abuser, and I like to fuck pot-bellied pigs! (12/02/91 at Newcastle, UK)

'simul te aspexi, nihil est super mi vocis in ore, lingua sed torpet, tenuis sub artus flamma demanat, sonitu suopte tintinant aures, gemina teguntur lumina nocte.'

I was in a state of witless shock, as though flames had suddenly enwrapped and paralyzed me so that for a moment I had no mind, no memory.

Georgie Porgie Puddin' and Pie Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye When her eye was dry and shut Georgie fucked that one eyed slut!

Little Jack Horner Sat in the corner eating a pizza pie. He shit pepperoni, and blew his friend Tony Then wiped his mouth on his tie!

Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep Blew her horse and licked his feet. She ate his asshole very nice, Tongued his balls not once, but twice!

Hickory Dickory Dock My balls fell out of my jock. I laid them to rest On some hooker's chest And paddled her face with my cock.

Roll, roll, roll your cunt Gently down my prick. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Then you'll suck my dick.

Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet A lightbulb was stuck up her ass. It woke up the spider Who lived deep inside her. He said 'Hey, free electric and gas.'

Twinkle twinkle little star, Will she blow me in the car. I bought her dinner, she had fun. My balls are boiling, I'd like to come.

Jack and Betty, up in a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-G First comes Betty, then comes Jack Then comes the goo from Betty's crack.

I wanna go to jail. To me It's fuckin cool to go to jail.

Let me show you how I go to the bathroom. (Proceeds to take a dump in the classroom rubbish bin).

You! Do you know what dog food tastes like? Do ya? It tastes just like it smells...delicious!

I'll be back ya black motherfucker. Wide nose havin' motherfuckers! They shoulda never gave you niggas money! You don't appreciate shit! You know you can get another couch. What am I gonna do about my legs Eddie Murphy!?

You put a little black box up his butt?! A box?! Couldn't you have found a carrot or something?

When I saw the newspaper headline 'Gas Chamber Expert Captured' and an American lieutenant explained it to me, I was pale in amazement. How can they say such things about me? I told you I was only in charge of the Intelligence Service from 1943 on. The British even admitted that they tried to assassinate me because of that, not because of having anything to do with atrocities, you can be sure of that.

'It makes blood shoot out of my eyes.'

I overheard backstage . . . Did someone just auction off Emilio and me? That was scary!

I don't want to produce a work of art that the public can sit and suck aesthetically:. I want to give them a blow in the small of the back, to scorch their indifference, to startle them out of their complacency.

LSD as Adolf Hitler (Dick Shawn): 'Heil Baby!'

The guy was dead as hell. He lay on the floor in his pajamas with his brains scattered all over the rug and my gun was in his hand. I kept rubbing my face to wipe out the fuzz that clouded my mind but the cops wouldn't let me. One would pull my hand away and shout a question at me that made my head ache even worse and another would slap me with a wet rag until I felt like I had been split wide open.

I got bitten last night actually. Just some bloke bit me. I wasn't doing anything and he just bit me. I was in a public telephone box in the centre of London and some fella came up and started biting me cock. Nah, I didn't bite him back. I hit him with my penis, right in the mouth and I exploded me wallpaper paste all over him. Paid me two quid.

Shock the monkey to live.

Till the vessel strikes with a shivering shock, 'Oh Christ! It is the Inchcape Rock!'

For those of you playing the home game this is called a Prince Albert. I'm sure that was his last wish. I'm sure he said, 'Victoria I'm dying...I would like you to name a Museum, a music hall, and a bolt through the cock after me. That'll be Victoria's secret. Go and sell little thongs with that little anal floss.'

Nothing is too shocking for me.

Simon Amstell: So Penny, you used to do a fashion column for the Daily Mail, didn't you? Penny Smith: Yes I've done many strange things in my time. Simon Amstell: So what does one wear to a lynching?

I think my exact words were 'Fuck me!'

There's not a man in America who at one time or another hasn't had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

You don't know what its like to have a plastic ball in your sack. Yeah. Check that out!

Now I'm a fag and I'm gonna have my skull sexed. Anything else gentlemen?

(advertising for a dairy company) Tell them that Herb Sewell, convicted child-molester sent you.

'Oh my goodness!'

At 13 you whack off 19 times a day anyway. Imagine being on a Viagra and like a liter of Mountain Dew and home alone with the VCR on a snow day from school. His mom would come home from work and open the front door and a big avalanche of semen would come out and wash her down the street.

To the seeker after the new, or the sensational, to those who expect a sinister frisson from modern music, it is my melancholy duty to point out that all the bomb throwing and guillotining has already taken place.

'Now I'm going to marry my first wife, then I'm going to divorce her. Now, I know what you're going to say, but stick with me, my story gets better! I'm going to marry my second wife, then I'm going to kill her! Cut her head off! Ah, you weren't expecting that, were you? Third wife, going to shoot her! Fourth wife, put her in a bag! Fifth wife, into outer space! Sixth wife on a Rotissomat! Seventh wife will be made out of jam :'

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...

I adored him. I don't know how to compare his talent to others but he's touched me deeply as a talent and it's a great loss - losing him at any age would be a loss but it was pretty rough news. I was really shocked by it.

Now you've gotta spend two thousand bucks to stay at my house. And for five, I'll let you photograph my wife in the shower.

Dorothy looked, and gave a little cry of fright. There, indeed, just under the corner of the great beam the house rested on, two feet were sticking out, shod in silver shoes with pointed toes.

(talking about the dove incident) Sharon gave me these two doves, told me to go into the conference room and throw them up in the air. I did that, but one of them didn't fly...so i picked it up, bit its head off and threw the body towards all the suits around the table...hoping they would, you know, see the funny side.

I turned to Aunt Agatha, whose demeanour was now rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back.

He resembled a minor prophet who had been hit behind the ear with a stuffed eel-skin.

His whole aspect was that of a man who has unexpectedly been struck by lightning.

Before my eyes he wilted like a wet sock.

Jordy Verrill: [upon first viewing the meteor] Whoo! I be dipped in hogshit if that ain't a meteor!

Jordy Verrill: [after fluids from the meteor drench him] Meteor Shit!

'McMahon 3:16 says I just pissed my pants!' (After holding a gag gun to Vince McMahon's head, causing him to urinate in his trousers)

Cock, Balls