henny youngman Quotes

Henny Youngman Quotes

Birth Date: 1906-03-16 (Friday, March 16th, 1906)
Date of Death: 1998-02-24 (Tuesday, February 24th, 1998)

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Quotes

    • Take my wife-please!
    • My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts eating.
    • My wife wanted her face lifted. They couldn't do that. But for $80, they lowered her body.
    • My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours, and that was only for the estimate.
    • My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.
    • Now she's on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight. But she can climb a tree!
    • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
    • All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
    • If there's never been a suicide in your family, why don't you break the monotony?
    • If there's ever a price on your head, take it.
    • I looked high and low for you. I didn't look low enough.
    • What got you out of the woodwork?
    • You're the kind of person I would like to have over when I have the measles.
    • Some people bring happiness wherever they go. You bring happiness whenever you go.
    • Look, I'm not going to engage in a battle of wits with you. I never attack anyone who is unarmed.
    • I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine. I want to break off with them.
    • I like you-I have no taste-but I like you.
    • The more I think of you the less I think of you.
    • I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.
    • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
    • You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready.
    • To Dean Martin-Dean, if you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
    • You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
    • I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up-they have no holidays.
    • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    • He hit me among my face.
    • A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman 'Can I park here?' 'No' says the cop. 'What about all these other cars?' 'They didn't ask!
    • I asked a Jewish man 'Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?' He said 'Yes', and walked away.
    • A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
    • Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
    • henny youngman

Quotes by Famous People

Who Were Also Born On March 16thWho Also Died On February 24th
Traudl Junge
Josef Mengele
Henny Youngman
James Madison
Henny Youngman
Malcolm Forbes
Tommy Douglas
Gerd von Rundstedt
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

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