14 Phil Hendrie Quotes on Absurdity

Phil Hendrie quotes on absurdity

2. Aw get a piece of fat and slide off

17. And if you try anything funny, anything cute, then oh boy, I will hunt you down and find you and come to your house...and weep. Like I'm your gay lover. 'Why don't you open the door, Barry?!?!'

125. Sitting in the carseat like a little miniature Winston Churchill is his little fat, bald kid - you might as well put a cigar in his puss - and he's in the carpool lane, Mr. Hendrie, and the kid don't drive; that's the point I'm trying to make.

138. Oh, now I get it. You think I was battling my pony, now is it?

144. I'd like to say Roy Rogers would've given up Trigger for the western wedding outfit I had on.

149. Who do you think deserves a purple heart, your daddy for gettin' a box on him or me for takin' a paintball off the gonad sack?!

209. I bought a candy bar from the mongoloid here at the airport and I'll convert to being a Presbyterian if I can get a crop duster out of here.

212. Do you think there's a sign where the chickens live that says, 'Don't choke the chicken' ?

239. (About making love with her husband) We sang Onward Christian Soldier, Phil, he took me like a virgin at the prison rodeo.

241. Phil, I was standing there in a bannana-yellow pantsuit, watching this child dancing around me, laughing like a fool, and I was thinking, are you for real? I felt like I was in a Bergman film about idiot children.

245. I walked in the back door and saw Amanda, my daughter, with a piece of chocholate cake and shoving it from the palm of her hand into her mouth, and...and I had been outside raking leaves, and i hit her with the rake and knocked it out of her hand and said 'How Dare You?' Thats how much I love her. Thats really how much I love her.

281. If Fat Joe were dead, he couldn't attract a female fly.

317. I do the splits over an egg then I do a somersault into an open watermelon.

340. (On conducting safety random home invasions) You witness a man assault you, take off his pants, fold 'em up, put 'em on the bed... and then he stops; when you get to the level of underwear then they stop, they assess the situation, he will question the woman, 'you're aware now that I am here in my underwear', and she will say 'yes I am', then fine, he'll probably put his hat on first, get dressed...