Phil Hendrie Quotes on Family

15 quotes

  1. No father alive can keep me away from his daughter once I've set my sights on her and want to be friends with her.

  2. I'm also suing for emotional kidnapping because when she yelled, 'Get the g-d car out of there', it kidnapped my son's good feeling for me and replace it with my son thinking I'm a pussy.

  3. You're just one more son of a bitch in a long line of son of bitches!

  4. (on James Doohan having a baby at 80 years old) We're taking odds on whether the kid's Mongo or not!

  5. My father worked in the circus. He was a circus clown. And my mother was a prostitute.

  6. How are you going to feel when your daughter's hair is being used to stuff some pervert's pillow?

  7. Phil, her husband is a bit of a loser. (drops her voice) Can I tell you something? Her husband is black. They have a child together, this child has black skin and flaming red hair, like Bozo the Clown. He scares people, he frightens the other children.

  8. I walked in the back door and saw Amanda, my daughter, with a piece of chocholate cake and shoving it from the palm of her hand into her mouth, and...and I had been outside raking leaves, and i hit her with the rake and knocked it out of her hand and said 'How Dare You?' Thats how much I love her. Thats really how much I love her.

  9. Why can't I do the simulation at my house? I can be at level six, and it keeps me away from my mom, who is very stupid.

  10. Who'll let the good father take a look for an Arby's beefwich?

  11. Tell me you've never thought about killing your own kid. For instance, taking him out hunting in the woods and only one of you comes back, namely you.

  12. My mother used to greet the day with a cigarette and lipstick on her teeth.'

  13. My mother used to come to me with her house coat open and drinking a cup of cheap chinese table wine.'

  14. You never talk about your mother. Never talk about mother.

  15. My mother would torture me for at least eight hours a day for a solid year once, using a variety of ice-water enimas, burning me with matches, burning me with cigarettes, even at one point hanging me up-side down for about six hours, burying me, using me as a float when we were in a ship wreck-- she actually used me as a life preserver, she just wrapped me around herself and didn't care whether I breathed or not, tried to use me one time to stop up a leaky gas valve in our kitchen, just said, 'Put your lips over that thing.'

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