Phil Hendrie Quotes on Identity

21 quotes

  1. I'm not really a general, ya know?

  2. I've never seen anything like it before in my life and I've worked with the CIA, KGB...I was also an Explorer Scout.

  3. (said repeatedly) I'm Ted Bell.

  4. My name is Ted Bell, its an Anglo-Saxon name...not Persian, m'kay? You understand? Not Arabian.

  5. I did three years in the Korean War, sir.

  6. (To caller with deep voice) Are you Johnny Cash?

  7. I'm gay.

  8. You know I'm gay?

  9. I'm a gay man and a gay journalist.

  10. If I get my name on a Desperate Housewives show, it says, 'Doug Dannger, comma, gay.'

  11. I'm very hip, I'm very 'now'. I get it- I'm 'with it', the kids think I'm cool.

  12. I'll tell you what, when you're me, you give me a call. Until then, you're not me.

  13. Phil, her husband is a bit of a loser. (drops her voice) Can I tell you something? Her husband is black. They have a child together, this child has black skin and flaming red hair, like Bozo the Clown. He scares people, he frightens the other children.

  14. I ain't yellow.

  15. I'm Margaret from Bal Harbour.

  16. And I will do anything, even give up the predilection that I had for a long time for boys. In fact Phil, there's only 2 things that can actually change the light, Irish lilt in my voice: killing the music, which turns me in to a black man, or seeing a very svelte beautiful young lady walk by the window like right now... (voice drops and accent vanishes) Will you look at THAT!?

  17. If you hijack an airplane and fly it into a building, you Islam! If you bow your head to the carpet five times a day with your ass up in the air, like Paul Anka or Shepard Smith, you Islam! If you read the Koran, not the Bible, the Koran-- I want you to write that down, 'cause a lotta brothas-- and you'll find a lot of the brothas out there are quotin' the Koran, now, 'cause like my cousin M.L.-- they're Muslim. It aint no Bible, I don't know what in the hell it is, but it's called a Koran. If you towel wrap, turban wind, wear a rag, table cloth or comforter or a napkin on your head, you're Islam! If you are a woman and you wear a bag or a bed sheet over your head, you Islam. If you don't smoke, drink, have sex, smile, grin or laugh, you Islam! If you don't eat pork, barbeque, bacon, ribs or Canadian ham, you Islam!

  18. Ma'am, I'm a member of the Citizen's Auxiliary Police, we save lives.

  19. Now I'm a fag and I'm gonna have my skull sexed. Anything else gentlemen?

  20. My mother used to greet the day with a cigarette and lipstick on her teeth.'

  21. I'm gonna go discover my inner nun.

All Phil Hendrie quotes