Phil Hendrie Quotes on Culture
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That's bitchen!
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The city of Seattle exists so we won't ever be completely happy in America.
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I have to tell your listeners that Frosty the Snowman is the most frightening phenomenon of the extra dimension. You can talk about the Abominable Snowman, you can talk about UFOs, all of these things, but when Frosty looks at you with those big coal eyes of his, and he goes to work at you with that carrot nose? No sir-- no sir, no sir, no sir.
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East of the Rockies, go away.
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Yes, Art Bell, one of the great cosmic freaks.
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If you're calling from South America, good for you.
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How could you let that Kraut on?
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Ma'am, simple question: How do you take your meat?
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Its a Ted with a little Sirley Temple on top. You get it? Its me with Shirley Temple on...
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I'm Ted Bell. And you go straight to the place where the Devil lives and has sex and makes little Devils.
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My name is Ted Bell, its an Anglo-Saxon name...not Persian, m'kay? You understand? Not Arabian.
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If you hang up on me again, Phil, you'll see exactly what an Austrain village square looks like...from an aerial perspective.
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I was up to my neck in Mr. Spock haircuts.
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I was up to my eyebrows in bowl haircuts.
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You don't put a Chinaman in front of a Korean War Veteran and expect him to stay calm and collected.
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(To veteran) Do-do you watch reruns of China Beach?
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(referring to Cupids) The small babies that can hurt you? I don't know, I'm not familiar.
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(To caller with deep voice) Are you Johnny Cash?
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I'm very hip, I'm very 'now'. I get it- I'm 'with it', the kids think I'm cool.
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Oh, you're sitting there staring at your cheaply manicured nails in your Ford Taurus...
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You know what you look like to me with your good bag and your bad shoes? You look like a ruuube.
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(About making love with her husband) We sang Onward Christian Soldier, Phil, he took me like a virgin at the prison rodeo.
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Phil, I was standing there in a bannana-yellow pantsuit, watching this child dancing around me, laughing like a fool, and I was thinking, are you for real? I felt like I was in a Bergman film about idiot children.
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A long time ago, before I really pulled my life together, I was a prostitue; I got involved in a lot of dangerous things. One of them was a nightly Russian Roulette game, and we thought it was fun, we were coked out of our minds, we drank a lot, I was the champ-- for a solid year I played Russian Roulette. Did you ever see Deer Hunter with Christopher Walken? That's what I looked like.
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Chinamen are really good at ping pong because of their horizontal sight, they see the whole net.
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(about Chinese eyes) I'm talking about the fact they have slits for eyes, man, all they see is net... their vertical vision is about an inch, but their horizontal vision-- it goes on and on and on, and on and on, and there's science to prove on it, too. For instance, you and me, we look at the world basically television shape, okay, the Chinese look at it: letterbox!
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You know how they separate the men from the boys in Greece, Phil? With a crowbar. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh:
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We have found that religion only turns people dumb. For instance, in Mexico, there's a whole lotta Catholics and there's a whole lotta dumb.
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Koreans are the ones that have a hard-on for everyone.
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I know the essential rule of the Constitution of Egypt, which is: Keep your mouth shut, do your job and just keep your mouth shut.
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Tell the Jew we're out of brisket.
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Ma'am,If you have a degre then my name is Malcolm X
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Hey now! What a nutty place!
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If you hijack an airplane and fly it into a building, you Islam! If you bow your head to the carpet five times a day with your ass up in the air, like Paul Anka or Shepard Smith, you Islam! If you read the Koran, not the Bible, the Koran-- I want you to write that down, 'cause a lotta brothas-- and you'll find a lot of the brothas out there are quotin' the Koran, now, 'cause like my cousin M.L.-- they're Muslim. It aint no Bible, I don't know what in the hell it is, but it's called a Koran. If you towel wrap, turban wind, wear a rag, table cloth or comforter or a napkin on your head, you're Islam! If you are a woman and you wear a bag or a bed sheet over your head, you Islam. If you don't smoke, drink, have sex, smile, grin or laugh, you Islam! If you don't eat pork, barbeque, bacon, ribs or Canadian ham, you Islam!
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No, the fact that -you- don't wanna wear a thong is because you're still afraid of 9/11!
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My mother used to greet the day with a cigarette and lipstick on her teeth.'
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My mother used to come to me with her house coat open and drinking a cup of cheap chinese table wine.'