22 Phil Hendrie Quotes on Religion

Phil Hendrie quotes on religion

16. Brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints

30. Both Hitler and Jesus cranked me.

95. The Wiccan Religion stabs a chicken like a football....

103. It's almost worth it to me to go out and set fire to an orphanage so that God damns me to Hell so I can have a front row seat as they cook you like a hot nut.

121. I hope that when you die the Devil has got the gate open for you, doesn't even worry about checkin' with God on that one. I don't think the Devil should check with God. I think he should just know the gate should be open.

139. I'll say it right now to your face that the Pope's a damn butt pirate.

147. You've got three people dirt nappin' because of the Mark of The Beast and I'm insane? J-Jesus, what a stupid bitch.

148. I think its a disgrace that Mr. Gibbons is using our handsome Almighty Lord to win himself a People's Choice Award or whatever.

153. We're going to give the Catholic Church a wake-up call when Steve Bosell gets probed in the butt, they're gonna wish they get into another religion, maybe become Jewish or something.

159. (To caller) Let me ask you, didn't you find Jesus at the Last Supper in the Passion of the Jesus to be very hot an-and sexy?

162. The only way that you can save your soul is to go to the Vatican and shag the Pope.

209. I bought a candy bar from the mongoloid here at the airport and I'll convert to being a Presbyterian if I can get a crop duster out of here.

217. Sweet Christ on a sled!

218. Sweet Christ in a carseat!

219. Woman up. Butch up. (deep man voice) JESUS.

247. Oh, you gonna tell me you can't clone off Jesus now?

268. We have found that religion only turns people dumb. For instance, in Mexico, there's a whole lotta Catholics and there's a whole lotta dumb.

319. I don't like being used that way! The only one that use me is jesus! I'd be Jesus' jail bitch if you wanted me to!

321. If you hijack an airplane and fly it into a building, you Islam! If you bow your head to the carpet five times a day with your ass up in the air, like Paul Anka or Shepard Smith, you Islam! If you read the Koran, not the Bible, the Koran-- I want you to write that down, 'cause a lotta brothas-- and you'll find a lot of the brothas out there are quotin' the Koran, now, 'cause like my cousin M.L.-- they're Muslim. It aint no Bible, I don't know what in the hell it is, but it's called a Koran. If you towel wrap, turban wind, wear a rag, table cloth or comforter or a napkin on your head, you're Islam! If you are a woman and you wear a bag or a bed sheet over your head, you Islam. If you don't smoke, drink, have sex, smile, grin or laugh, you Islam! If you don't eat pork, barbeque, bacon, ribs or Canadian ham, you Islam!

354. I hear some people say 'Some of my friends are black,' 'Some of my friends are Jewish,' Well, some of my friends are serial murderers.

364. I don't hate America, I love this country so long as it provides me with an ability to practice Blithia.

368. Oh, in the Name of the Sweet Christ Hammered Up, why do you have to play that?