3 Steven Wright Quotes on Crime

Steven Wright quotes on crime

9. All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun. She said, 'Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.'

136. The other day I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli.

152. When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.