Gallagher QuotesBirth Date: 1972-09-21 (Thursday, September 21st, 1972)
Date of Death: 1995-06-14 (Wednesday, June 14th, 1995)
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gallagher life timeline
|Captain James Gallagher lands his B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II in Fort Worth, Texas after completing the first non-stop around-the-world airplane flight in 94 hours and one minute.||Wednesday, March 2nd, 1949|
|Rose Dugdale and Eddie Gallagher become the first convicted prisoners to marry in prison in the history of the Republic of Ireland.||Tuesday, January 24th, 1978|
|Gino Gallagher, the suspected leader of the Irish National Liberation Army, is killed while waiting in line for his unemployment benefit.||Tuesday, January 30th, 1996|
- 'LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I did not come here tonight to make you laugh! I came here to sell you something! And I want ya to pay particular attention, because The Amazing Master Tool Corporation, a subsidiary of Fly By Night Industries has entrusted who? -- me! -- to show you! -- the handiest and the dandiest kitchen tool you've ever seen, and don't ya wanna know how it works! First you take an ordinary apple! You place the apple between the patented pans! Then you reach for the tool that is not a slicer, not a dicer, not a chopper in a hopper! What in the hell can it possibly be? SLEDGE-O-MATIC!'
- 'Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted walls from fingerprints.'
- 'Living in California is like living in a bowl of granola; them around you that ain't fruits or nuts, is flakes.'
- ' 'I before E except after C?' Americans don't want to learn that! They just sort of make an 'I' lookin 'E' and an 'E' lookin 'I' then put the dot, right there in the middle!'
- 'Hey, what do you expect from a culture that drives on parkways and parks on driveways?'
- 'I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one called 'brightness', but it don't work, does it?'
- 'People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up.'
- 'Remember this advice... Never let your mom comb your hair when she's mad at your dad! (removes hat to display bald head)'
- 'They ought to make butt-flavored cat food.'
- 'What would a chair look like if our knees bent the other way?'
- 'Wouldn't it be great if people were the same in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee, Nadia, that was PERFECT! That full twisting dismount wasn't bad either, babe!''
- 'Y'know, God experimented with the other animals before he got around to us. You ladies oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and getting that udder idea out of his head!'
- 'You ever see that sign: 'This Door Must Remain Shut At All Times'... why have a goddamn door?'
- 'You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on top of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet and you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up! Now that'd be a sport for ya!'
- 'If M & M's 'melt in your mouth, not in your hand.' what would they do, say... under your armpit?'
- 'If nothing sticks to Teflon, what makes it stick to the pan?'
- 'Why is it called a 'building' when they're done building it? It should be called a 'built.' Or, you could say, 'I live in that crumbling over there.''
- 'We go to school to learn to communicate, but all the teachers say to us is 'shut up!'
- 'Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it ever come in handy? Did you ever say 'Well thank God my underarms stunk! He came out of the bushes and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!''
- 'Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.'
- 'My daughter's gettin' so big lately, I usually don't have to duck when I get in the van. Well my heart was in the right place. I said, 'Amy, wanna go for a ride in the van'...CLUNK!!! She doesn't cry. She just looks me right in the eye as if to say, 'Are you that fucking stupid?' 'Yes.' Then she cries...cause she knows we're related.'
- 'If it ain't sex, what is it gang? Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer! You ain't an American unless you're drinking a beer! All the time, dammit, any damn time is a time for Bud! Bullshit! Traffic Court. 'Hang on there judge, let me pop a cool one here. Weaving!? I can't even knit!''
- 'I would like now to talk briefly about the Japanese, a race of very short people who are always bending in half. You can't make an honest business deal with them because you can't look em' in the eye.'
- 'Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas.'
- 'Before the invention of the telephone, you had to lie to people to their face!'
- 'Why are all the home-ec teachers divorced?'
- 'Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is girls; bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls' and 'bullboys.''
- 'When yogurt goes bad, how can you tell?'
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