Steven Wright Quotes on Literalism

6 quotes

  1. A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.'

  2. I mix my water myself-two parts H and one part O.

  3. I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage?' 'It's not for sale.'

  4. I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

  5. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

  6. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

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